Dad's September Talk

What have you learned from your parents in regard to teaching children? How many times have I heard, "I'll never do that to my kids!" What I want you to do is reflect on what you have learned from those who have taught you. Not necessarily the content but the style. How did they teach you? Which style helped you learn best? Here's the point, make a goal to use the best parts of what and how your parents taught you on your own children.

While talking of goals for children, I would guess we all as parents and future parents have similar long-range plans for our children. Even as our heavenly parents have long-range goals for us, their children. I want to recap a critical part of the beginning of putting those "goals" into action.

D&C 49:17 tells us man (non-gender specific) was created and existed "before the world was made." We are talking about the creation because you will want to know that while for some in this world families are an accident, plans for having families and raising children were made before the world was. D&C 93:29 says "man was also in the beginning with God." So what's the point? Heavenly Father has hosts of folks in heaven who are 'family' and perhaps loosely could be compared to a family on earth. God held the council in heaven to work out a plan of salvation or set a plan to work out the goals he has for all of us. That is our eternal salvation. The War in Heaven refers to the conflict that took place in the pre-mortal existence among the spirit children of God. The war was primarily over how and in what manner the plan of salvation would be administered to the forthcoming human family upon the earth. The issues involved such things as agency, how to gain salvation, and who should be the Redeemer. The war broke out because one-third of the spirits refused to accept the appointment of Jesus Christ as the Savior. Such a refusal was a rebellion against the Father's plan of redemption. What is the key to that plan? Agency. Learn correct principles and Choose the Right.

Backing up a little, one of the choice spirits, the Son of the morning, had a plan to ensure everyone's salvation. Let's read D&C 76:25. Who are the Prophet Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon talking about? Lucifer was not some fly-by-night operator who just showed up to tempt Eve and the rest of us. Let's start reading in Moses 4:1. For us that would have been the 'easy' way. Lucifer likely would have controlled all we did; we wouldn't have had to make any choices or decisions. We would never have had to think for ourselves or be able to grow mentally. Now we might reflect on this question: Will we raise our children using the same plan Lucifer was going to use to save us? Teach correct principles and let them Choose the Right

Babies need 95-100% care and control, but by the time our children are young adults, if we are not allowing them their agency, we are thwarting the plan of salvation. This is not to say that no guidance is good. As our Father in Heaven has given us instruction, we too must instruct our children. Teach them and let them grow. Set limits to let them grow and learn within firm boundaries. Statistics tend to show years one and two are the water shed years for learning self-control. Self-control needs to be taught at this time. Years three and four come next in importance. Children can learn on their own, but what they learn on strictly their own rarely brings joy. Here is the end of the story...take the time to teach your children when they are young, starting when they are babies. As they grow, give them agency to learn. You will give them happiness, yourself happiness, and our Heavenly Father's plan will be fulfilled.

OK, let's go through this again. Start with Moses 3:24. When you start your family, it is your family. Not your mom's family, not you dad's family, YOUR family. Each person has an important place in his or her family. Through prophets the Lord has explained how fathers, mothers, and children should behave and feel toward one another. As husbands, wives, and children we need to learn what the Lord expects us to do to fulfill our purpose as a family. If we all do our part, we will be able to live together as a family forever. In marriage neither the man nor the woman is more important than the other. They are the family. They are equal partners and should work together to provide for the spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs of the family. Let's go to Colossians 3:18-21.

Some responsibilities must be shared by the husband and the wife. Parents should teach their children the gospel. Turn to D&C 68:25-28. The Lord warned that if parents do not teach their children about faith, repentance, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost, the sin will be upon the heads of the parents. Parents should also teach their children to pray and to obey the Lord's commandments.

One of the best ways parents can teach their children is by example. Model being kind. Speak to each other with kindness and respect. Husbands and wives should show love and respect for each other and for their children by both actions and words. It is important to remember that each member of the family is a child of God. Parents should treat their children with love and respect, being firm but kind to them. Being firm refers to having limits. No limits results in chaos and selfishness. Turn to Mosiah 26:37. Replace the word church with family. With your children, only tell them what you mean. Idle threats do not work for long. Consistency is the key. Provide happy, not extravagant experiences for your children.

As a parent you should understand that sometimes children will make wrong choices even after they have been taught the truth. When this happens, you should not give up or become discouraged. Continue to teach your children, to express love for them, to be good examples to them, and to fast and pray for them. You will have long range plans and goals for your family. Keep the goals in mind. You reach them with baby steps not in one fell swoop.

The Book of Mormon tells us how the prayers of a father helped a rebellious son return to the ways of the Lord. Alma the Younger had fallen away from the teachings of his righteous father, Alma, and had gone about seeking to destroy the Church. The father prayed with faith for his son. Alma the Younger was visited by an angel and repented of his evil way of living. He became a great leader of the Church.

Turn to D&C 121:41-43. The father is the patriarch of the family and has important responsibilities that are his alone. He is the priesthood holder and has the duties of priesthood leadership. He should guide his family with humility and kindness rather than with force or cruelty. The scriptures teach that those who hold the priesthood should lead others by persuasion, gentleness, love, and kindness Let's look at Ephesians 6:4. Paul again reminds us anger is not the way we teach our children.

President David O. McKay said that motherhood is woman's noblest calling. It is a sacred calling, a partnership with God in bringing his spirit children into the world. A mother's most important responsibility is to bring children into the world and to care for and teach them. Bearing children is one of the greatest of all blessings.

The father shares the blessings of the priesthood with the members of his family. When a man holds the Melchizedek Priesthood, he can share these blessings by naming and blessing babies, administering to the sick, baptizing children, and giving special priesthood blessings and ordinations. He should set a good example for his family by keeping the commandments. He should also make sure the family prays together and holds family home evening. When is a good time to start holding family home evening? Maybe wait until the babies can read? Don't put it off. In family home evening you not only teach your children the gospel, you teach them you care about the gospel. The benefits and effects go far beyond the weekly lessons. They learn that there are times to sit still and learn.

Fathers, spend time with each child individually. Teach your children correct principles, talk with them about their problems and concerns, and counsel them lovingly. It is also the father's duty to provide for the physical needs of his family, making sure they have the necessary food, housing, clothing, and education. Even if he is unable to provide all the support himself, he does not give up the responsibility of the care of his family.

Mothers, spend time with your children and teach them the gospel. Play and work with them so they can discover the world around them. Help your family learn how to make the home a pleasant place to be. If you are warm and loving, it helps your children feel good about themselves.

Let me speak plainly for a moment. So far we have spoken of methods to teach your children which are not yet here. What can you do now? Brethren, respect yourselves and your girlfriends. Keep your hands where they belong. Satan's influence is strong in the world and it is a common belief that if it feels good it is OK. That is false. Choose the Right. Sisters, you have the strength to help keep love on a higher, wholesome plane. Just say no. Choose the Right. Giving in does not take you where you want to go. You would not be here in sacrament meeting if you weren't trying to choose the right and return to our Father in Heaven. Brothers and sisters, if there are concerns in your lives regarding immorality, talk to President Marshall. Together you can work them out.

A loving and happy family does not happen by accident. Each person in the family must do his or her part. The Lord has given responsibilities to both parents and children. The scriptures teach that we must be thoughtful, cheerful, and considerate of others. When we speak, pray, sing, or work together, we can enjoy the blessings of harmony in our families.

Martha & Jeremy

I know I am now settled and happy here. I had the craziest day last week. I know if I was even a little bit still homesick for the west or unsettled I would have purchased a plane ticket in a heartbeat. My day started off pretty normal. I had a list of errands to run, so I packed Lyle in the car, and off we went. One of the stops was at the library. Lyle and I went in to find the ole Raffi sing-a-long video. They didn't have it in, so I had to special order it. After some time I was finished, and we went outside to get in the car. When we got to the car there was a parking ticket waiting for me on the my windshield. I had read the parking sign incorrectly and was parked illegally. So I tried my best (in my third trimester raging hormone state of mind) to brush it off and continue running errands. The next stop was the grocery store. All went normal inside, and off we went to get into the car. This time no ticket. After I got Lyle all buckled in safe and snug, I closed his door and went to my door to open it--but I couldn't---it was locked---and there were my keys right on my front seat right next to my parking ticket. I tried to act mature and responsible at first and opened the trunk and took everything out of it. No luck. I could not get in by the trunk. By then 5 or so minutes had passed and I was beginning to panic. I wasn't sure what to do. This was the first time I've ever locked Lyle in the car. I mean, I've locked the keys plenty of times in the car before, just never with Lyle, the pride of my life, in the car. I saw an older lady walking in the parking lot, and I flagged her down. Her panicking didn't help my state of mind at all. Finally I managed to blubber out in between sobs and asked her if she could watch Lyle while I went inside to ask for help. By the time I made it in the store to the customer service desk, I must have looked like a wreck. The ladies all dropped what they were doing even before I said anything. Then when I was finished they called the police because they said it was an emergency. I hadn't even thought about the hot, sticky humid weather and how it was probably multiplied inside the car. Within moments, two store managers escorted me to the car. There was Lyle, inside the car, happily reading the book, "Baby Beluga," and completely unaware of the dangerous situation. The two managers danced around to keep him entertained and also tried to calm me down. They were successful in keeping Lyle entertained. Everytime I looked at him and saw the beads of sweat rolling down his face and saw his body slowly turning red from heat, I would get this huge wave of guilt and cry harder. The police took 45 mintues to get to the scene, some emergency. The officer spent about 7 minutes in vain trying to get the door opened and then went to call for back up. So a second squad car rolled up. Both squad cars blocked the store aisle, and there was getting to be quite a crowd. The second officer couldn't get the door opened either. I was ready to have them break the window. However, someone had called a tow truck, and he rolled up in the middle of the aisle behind the squad cars. Finally, success. The tow truck driver had unlocked the door and rescued Lyle. In the entire trauma, Lyle was the calmest out of everyone. He was happy as could be reading Baby Beluga and laughing at the funny looking men dancing in front of him. When I took him out of his car seat, he was red-faced and soaking with sweat. As I undressed him, the crowd clapped, and the managers gave Lyle a bag of skittles and a water bottle. Just kidding about the crowd clapping. They were actually very annoying and kept telling me advice and things I should do to prevent the situation from happening again. Anyway, Lyle cooled off, I stopped crying and our car windows stayed intact. I thanked everyone, got in the car, ran one more errand and went home. When I got home, there was a birthday package on my doorstep from Jennifer Alderete. It was a bunch of bags of cookie mixes. I put Lyle down for a nap, made myself a batch of cookies in my new toaster oven Jeremy gave me for my birthday, went upstairs and watched some news on TV, finished off the cookies and fell asleep. When I woke up, I felt much better, a little too full from the cookies, but much better. I smiled and even chuckled a little at the events that happened earlier that day. That was when I knew that I was completely settled in our new area and happy with my life. Sigh.

Lyle got a black eye. For the first time in 4 months Lyle fell down the stairs. He had climbed to the very top of the basement stairs, reached out to greet me, lost his balance and rolled backwards summersaults all the way down to the bottom of the stairs. Jeremy was in the basement, but didn't reach Lyle till the very last stair. It was very sad for all of us. I'm not sure if I or Lyle cried more. I had to stop sooner though because Jeremy wouldn't let me hold Lyle till I stopped crying. So I sucked it up and tried to act brave for the tender, hurt little boy. This morning his entire face looked swollen. By the end of the day though the swelling went down, and only his eye looks swollen. I guess it didn't scar him mentally though because five minutes after the incident he was climbing the stairs again. Whatever, I guess kids are made of pretty strong stuff!

Monday evening another crazy event happened; however, this one was happy. Earlier in the day I had called a new Temple dental student family to invite them over for dinner and FHE. Jeremy came home from school early, so I left Lyle with him while I went to the grocery store. When I came home he excitedly met me at the door. He told me that Stephanie (the friend) called and said there was a change of plans. A friend of her uncle called her and invited her and her husband out for dinner. She told him she already had plans, so they wouldn't be able to make it. Well, the friend said he really wanted to take them out and he wouldn't mind taking their friends (us) out also. Stephanie said she would have to get back to him after she talked to us. So she called and talked to Jeremy (I was out grocery shopping). After Stephanie finished telling Jeremy all of this she casually said, oh ya, this friend of my uncle's who wants to take us out is Reno Mahi, an Eagle's Football Player (the Eagles are the Philly pro football team). Well, as you can imagine, Jeremy was VERY, very excited and told her that we'd cancel our dinner plans any day to go out to eat with a pro football player. The only problem was that it was going to be a late night and I didn't want Lyle to come along. By the time we found out all the details we only had 20 minutes to get ready. I called some friends but everyone was already busy. Just before we were about to leave, our neighbors Ron and Marilyn and their daughter Brianna pulled up. I ran outside and asked them if it was okay if Brianna babysat on a school night. They said, Sure. So I let her in the house just as our ride pulled up. The night was a dream date night!!! We first met Reno at a Sports hangout across the street from the football stadium. There, we were treated like celebrities. We met the owner, who gave us a bunch of finger foods and also some memorabilia while other people I didn't know shook our hands. Then we went back outside where a limo was waiting for us. We all hopped in and drove around Philadelphia for a while. Then the driver took us to a mall where Reno had a radio talk show interview. It was at a sports store where we also met the owner who gave us footballs to get autographed. We stayed while Reno signed autographs, and then it was back in the limo to go downtown again. This time the driver took us to a really really nice seafood restaurant. Reno said to order anything, so Jeremy ordered lobster and I ordered blue marlin. We had a blast! Jeremy was on cloud nine because he was having a conversation with a pro football player. It was even cooler for him because they had a game the other day and Jermy saw Reno play, so he was able to talk "football" talk to him. I just liked the whole date aspect with Jeremy. After dinner the limo took us back to our car and we drove home. We got home at 12:30, and I was beat! It was such a fun, dream night! I still can't believe it happened! It turns out Reno is LDS and went to BYU with my friend's uncle. He needed family for the promo interview at the mall which is why he called Stephanie. Reno does have a wife and two kids. They just moved here and I told Reno his wife could hang out with us Moms anytime. We'll see. . .

Elder Matthias

9/29/04 viernes

Here I am in Republica Dominican! We arrived during the night around midnight. I'm quite tired. Here is my correct pouch address for the MTC:

Elder Matthias Whitney
Dominican Republic MTC (underlined)
P.O. Box 30150
Salt Lake City, UT 84130

Our flight was long and tiring. I am well, but some of the missionaries are still in San Juan, Puerto Rico because they missed their connection. One of them is my new companion, therefore I don't have a companion right now! I don't have much time to write today, and I have to attend an orientation meeting. I love you all! --E. Whitney

9/26/04 domingo

Sorry about my other letter. I thought I didn't have much time to write because the mission president said that all pouch mail went out Friday morning. So I just wrote a quick note to let you know I was fine. However I discovered that last Friday was a fiesta (does that mean holiday? That's all the dictionary would give me) So the pouch mail didn't leave on its usual schedule, and I have a chance to write another letter to explain some more about the CCM.

CCM means Centro de Copicitation missional or missionary training center. Understand me okay? In the Provo MTC we have a program called "HSI o Habla su idiom." (speak your language.) One of the rules is that you have to ask permission to speak in English if you don't know the right words in Spanish. However in the CCM of DR we may ask to speak in English, but it doesn't do any good because our teachers don't speak English and understand very little. So in our classes we have to speak Spanish!

One of my teachers reminds me of a character from The Gods Must be Crazy. He's small and black with short hair. He always has a smile and is very cheerful. I like him!

When we arrived at the DR Hermana Shurtliff (the CCM president's wife) gave me a letter from Martha & Jeremy! How great to have a letter waiting for me! Muchos gracias por ellos! I'm the only one here to have received a letter!

The food is very good here. It's usually rice with meat, chicken or beef, with beans, and we always have bananas. The CCM is in the same neighborhood as the Santo Domingo Temple. This temple is marvelous! We live in a building for temple patrons because this temple serves all the islands of the Caribbean. Our whole CCM is in a small section of this building. It's very small. There's only 44 missionaries here. Much different than Provo where there's 2500! Well I think I've said enough. I'm sorry if you can't read my bad handwriting or my bad Spanish, but I'm trying! I hope all's well in Logandale, and with all the rest of the family too. I love you. E. Matthias Whitney

Nick & Becca

I guess you all know our exciting news this month. It is funny, when something like having a baby happens I tend to forget everything else that has happened the past month. Anyways...here goes.

Becca is doing great. She worked on cleaning the house until the minute she went to the hospital. Everything went well at the hospital. All the doctors and nurses fell in love with Becca; she has a charm about her that warms people up to her. The highlight of the stay at the hospital for her (besides having a baby) was when a nurse commented on her painted toenails. The nurse asked Becca if she had a pedicure before coming in. Becca said that she painted her nails all by herself. The nurse was impressed that she did such a good job while being 40 weeks pregnant. Becca was so proud of her toenails that she made sure her feet were uncovered the rest of the time. Before we left to go home, Becca wanted to get a glamour shot like Summer had at the hospital when she had Maddie. We put some Tucks on her eyes to take some of the puffiness out of her eyes, and she put make-up on and everything. I took a picture but the lighting just did not seem right. We are going to have to remember to pack our photo studio lights next time.

Jonathan is as cute as ever. He talks about tractors, cows, Woody, and Buggy (Buzz Lightyear) all the time. He spent the weekend at Papa and Gramma's house while we were at the hospital. He got to ride uncle Tim's tractor and feed the cows. His favorite saying is, "An du cows, dey ate du foo!" (And the cows, they ate the food). I am sure we will be hearing about it for weeks. (That's okay, we just think anything he says is so cute.) A couple of weeks ago, he was feeding a little calf and then he put his face right up to the calf's nose and gave it a kiss. I think the calf liked it, and the calf kissed Jonathan back by licking his face from chin to forehead. Jonathan just laughed. Since we moved, Jonathan has been able to make a lot of new little friends. He is in a play group that meets twice a week at different houses. He sure has a good time.

Estelle is doing good. She does cry a bit more than Jonathan, but we still think that she is the cutest baby girl we ever saw. I think that I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

I just proof-read the article Nick wrote and scolded him for not including the Nick paragraph. I guess that means I have to write it! ? Nick has been the talk of the Pharmacy school this month. Last week he left one of his classes a little early. The next day his classmates were buzzing around and smiling at him. One guy yelled across the room, "How's your baby! You had it yesterday, right?" Another girl approached him to congratulate him on the new baby. I guess since Nick left class early someone started a rumor that his wife was in labor, and since he came to class the next day they figured I must have had the baby. Nick thought the logic strange since if I had had the baby he wouldn't have been in class the next day at all. Anyhow his class has been excited for him and even passed around a card with everyone's signature and a Target gift card. Also Nick had some excitement in the delivery room when the doctor asked if he wanted to deliver. So he put on the green gown and went to work. I thought the delivery went perfectly. Since we've been home he's been scurrying around making sure I'm comfortable, making meals, fetching glasses of water and pills, and changing diapers. Overall I've been having a great time.